What if I let myself be vulnerable?

What if I let myself be vulnerable?


I stick my head out the window, and its quiet.

No texts or calls tonight. No chat. Id forgotten there was a world out there. For a moment

I forget my place

and simultaneously, I remember.

The sky is pale orange and the moon behind a layer of misty cloud.

No responsibility. No I O Us. What do I owe you?
The peace of the moment allows me to tune in.
The peace of you not being here.
Did I forget myself?
There is no one around to put me in my place.

Maybe I truly am introvert.
This is the only place I have ever been myself.

The late night trips. Moments where I check in "Is everything ok? Is everything ok?"
Yes Im fine.

Why are you worrying?
A dialogue between me and the only me that ever existed.
But did I let you in?

I try. Sometimes, there is no try. Sometimes, you have to give up. By giving in, you make way, for yourself. I hate to try.
It is breaking me to try!!
All the time, day after day.
And I feel like running away.
From the life I created for myself.
To be where?
Back to this place.

When I stick my head out the window, sometimes it seems the world is so very big and I am alone in it.
And sometimes, I realise I am all I ever needed, everything I could ask for is here already. And was always. And what did I ever really need?
To run away, is to find this bit of me, and try and stay with it, true. So that I can write again. So I can write from that place that all the real stuff always is.
And there is no try.

I need to be reminded, again and again. Cos no one really knows, what I am talking about.
But when I play my tunes, they can feel what I feel.